I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
