nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
