He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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