DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
