"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
