Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
tequila makes me forget i have legs
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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