I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
