I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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