she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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