my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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