I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
