i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Mom said you looked used
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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