Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
