i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
