my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
