Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
