Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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