I'm lost and stupid without you.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
