I am spending my child support on dildos
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
