if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We need to get me chipped asap
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
