Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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