? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
