He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
