I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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