I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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