I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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