Please, let me fuck your mom
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You are the jesus of drinking
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
