Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
