In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
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