It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
