I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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