You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
