But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
