Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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