I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
