i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
