I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
