I faked an abortion last night.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
