never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
