I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You brought string cheese to the strip club
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
