I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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