All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
