did you get engaged???
if i can run in heels then i can drive
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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