My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
