**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
