shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I don't think brook has ever known best
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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