I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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