This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
