this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
