i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
