Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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