is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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