sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
