I accidentally had phone sex last night
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
