On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
