I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
