He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
