i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
